Well, I got my marks up to week 8, and I'm not happy. I got a C on my paper. I have never gotten anything less than an A on anything! And I got a B- for class participation, not because I'm not posting, because I am, lots. It's because my posts "lack depth". Are you freaking kidding me!?!? I hate this class. I wish I had signed up for any other class but this one. Sorry Professor R., but I'm not recommending you!
More than anything, I am feeling bad about myself because I'm not doing well! I'm disappointed in myself. I am not used to this. I am really trying here and yet, nada. Zilch, zippo, zip. Well, C's and B-'s. Which is not nothing, but is also not A's.
Half way through this class, however, is better than just starting. I have another 8 weeks to go, and then I can sign up for something nice and fun. Like, well, something else. I want to take that Beatles class, but it has not been available to me for the 2.5 years now since I've been enrolled, so I am not holding my breath. It must be only for the special people who know how to get into the special classes only for special people.
Well, I am going to go read Twilight again. Against my better instincts, I really like this series - the movie comes out next month, so I have that to look forward to, which is nice! Go vampires!
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I hope it’s clear that I’m not directing these comments exclusively at you and your current experience. They are thoughts I’ve been having quite often this semester.
I think too often students build an expectation of what kind of student they are. This is probably a good thing. If you think of yourself as an A student, you’re probably more likely to work hard. On the other hand, if you’ve already determined that you deserve A’s, how do you justify the cases in which you don’t get A’s. Is it the teacher’s fault? Is it your fault? Or, is there no fault to assign?
One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Marcus Aurelius. “Look within. Within is the fountain of good, and it will ever bubble up, if thou wilt ever dig.”
I admit, the quote doesn’t really apply to your experience but I apply the quote to my life pretty liberally For me, it’s good to look within and to dig. Focusing on the grades you receive may result in you missing a chance to look within. Maybe your work might deserve an A in the context of another class but maybe, if you dig, you’ll discover there is room for you to grow in this context.
I guess, in simple terms, I’m suggesting that if you focus on the grades, you may hear, “your work is lacking” rather than “you are capable of better” – a insult rather than an challenge.
Believe me Andy, I have given that serious thought. It's not that the A's were ever easy for me, it's that I work my tail off for them as I have been in this class, and I guess I'm just feeling a bit disappointed that for once my honest efforts are not up to scratch. I know I could probably dedicate more effort to this class, but the work I'm putting in already is taking a lot out of me and I feel like I just don't have anything else left. I think it's a bit of both things you said. I do expect to get A's because I do think of myself as an A student, but I think that way because I work hard at it, as I work hard to excel at everything I do. I am working as hard as I can to grasp the subject matter and complete the assignments as she is requiring, but I still don't seem to be succeeding. I don't know if it's me or if it's the professor, I just know that something is not working for me this semester. I hope next semester is better, I still have a long way to go until graduation, and if I have a run of bad classes I don't know if I'll make it! Thank you for your comments, it's nice to know someone out there is still reading my blog!
Hang in there, my friend! I feel your pain. I'm in the same boat in one of my classes, too and I can't wait for the semester to end. I got all A's last semester and wanted it so bad for this semester as well, but I just don't think it's going to happen. What I'm finding though, is that you have to think positive thoughts about the class that you're not doing so good in and make it what you'd like for it to be. Follow the direction of your professor even if s/he is jerk (oh, have I had these, lol) and do what is asked of you no matter how crazy it may seem to you. If nothing else, do it for the grade and don't worry about anything else. Oh, also make sure to learn something from the class even if it hurts, lol. Not every subject will be interesting as many will be boring as heck, but just try to hang in there till' it's all said and done and you'll be getting your degree in no time.
Hi Anne, I had an experience like that when I took a class that my inner voice warned me about...economics. This kind of class is not my strongest area so I was in there with all of these very smart econ major kind of people and I felt soooo inadequate. I worked my a** off for a B. Don't let this bump in the road bug you. I am like you and have lots of A's but I have a few B's and C's too. A few semesters from now you'll look back and laugh. P.S. The Beatles class is a very fun study but a LOT of work....be prepared. I would recommend Teen Talk w/Dr. Manthei (she's my fave). That is a fun novel reading class.
Teen Talk huh? I hadn't noticed that one in the catalog. I wonder how I can fit that in to a Boyer category...
I know I'm not the only one out there having a hard time right now, but somehow that doesn't make it any easier. I am harder on myself than anyone else is, so if I feel like I'm not succeeding at something, then I feel like I'm not succeeding at anything, know what I mean? I'm a perfectionist, but I'm not a very good one, if that makes any sense! I guess I'm more like a perfectionist wanna be.
This is the best that these blogs might be. Others sharing thoughts to help someone through a tough time is a pretty cool thing.
I've had the chance to review tens of thousands of transcripts in my career (you review a lot of transcripts in financial aid) and the only thing I know about grades is that it's hard to find meaning in them. If you're giving everything you have, then you should be proud of any grade you earn, even an F.
Grades don't really reflect effort. An "A-student" might goof off and walk away having learned nothing while a "C-student" might work hard and learn more than they thought possible. If they both get a B, who's better off?
Maybe it's a Zen-thing or maybe it's just unique to my mind. I would encourage you to measure yourself based upon your own potential rather than a grade. If you're making a half-hearted effort, then maybe you should feel some shame, but if you're living up to your potential, you should walk tall even if you fail.
But Andy, even though I understand the concept of your explanation, I still know that what's on a person's transcript can either make them feel proud or feel shame. Isn't this what grad schools look at when during the application process? I guess, too it has a lot to do with being raised a certain way; an 'A' is awesome, 'B' is good, 'C' is average, 'D' is below average, and 'F' is failing meaning that you didn't try at all. I think a grade is tied to a person's self-esteem and it could either make you or break you if you feel that you've earned an 'A', but you get a 'B' or 'C'. I totally agree with Anne because I know what it's like to work so hard at something, yet because it's not exactly what the professor is happy with, your grade suffers, which is not fair. Sorry for the rant, just giving my two cents, lol.
Smiles, Pam
Pam, I can't disagree with most of what you've written but I do disagree with an F meaning you didn't try at all. This is true sometimes but some failures come after tremendous, sincere effort. Either way, I would suggest that a person might view their failures among their proudest moment. Failures often lead to new understandings and growth.
It does make sense that your ego will take a hit when you’re confronted with feedback that doesn’t mesh with your own perceptions and expectations. I think the goal should be to have that moment, kick the wall, tell your friends about it, cuss a bit (whatever helps you feel better) and then to reframe your experience. “Okay, this isn’t working. How can I fix this?”
The grades on a transcript do matter when it comes to achieving my goal. If I fail, I don't get credit for the class, and that's a wasted semester. I need to pass this class if for no other reason than I don't have time to spare! I agree, I am still learning interesting stuff, but I could read these novels on my own and go online to find most of the same insights I'm learning in class, but that won't earn me a degree, will it? I think grades certainly reflect effort to a large extent. Like Pam said, if you get an F you really aren't trying at all. If you participate in class to the minimum required and turn in the assignments on time, you will earn a passing grade. To get an F, all you have to do is nothing, and if the best you can give is nothing, why bother?
I'm not suggesting that grades aren't important. I'm just suggesting that your experience is more important than your grade. I'm probably not making my point well in brief posts and it seems like I went down the wrong path with the "earned F" concept. Consider this:
It may be safe to suggest that if we all enroll in Calculus IV this spring, there's a pretty good chance we'll all flunk:) But for me, there are two paths to my F. I can get frustrated and stop trying or I can work like a dog. Either way, I'd fail but I could be proud of the effort shown on the second path.
The same is true for all the other grades. Working your hardest and trying to grow in your effort are more important than the grades you earn. When you ask your faculty to write you reference letters for grad school, they are going to mention your willingness to work and on whether you became a better student. They'll remember this but they aren't going to remember whether you got an A on every assignment.
Andy, when you've been a top-tier A student in community college, you do "build an expectation of what kind of student you are." Then it's very disappointing to come over here and start receiving B's and C's on papers. When you've given it all you've got and in heart you know you've done "A" work, it's a motivational killer to even bother to try harder. You just have to accept the fact that there's going to be no pleasing some professors no matter what you do. I haven't changed my writing style since coming to UIS, and I've gotten A's on papers in some classes (and some of these papers were on high-level abstract subjects) and C+'s in others, putting the same amount of effort into all of them, so go figure.
I freely admit I don't think too much about the prescribed "rules" for putting a paper together, although I know what they are, outlines, topic sentences, primary support, secondary support, etc. I feel that a lot of English paper-writing guidelines have their roots in the days when it was a laborious process to handwrite or type papers on an old clackety typewriter without even correction ribbons, and it was necessary to work in stages in order to produce a finished product with the least amount of rewriting or retyping.
There's an entirely different cognitive process going on in the word-processor environment. When you can insert words at will and change the wording, shift clauses backwards and forwards, and move entire paragraphs up and down on the fly, the concept of "prewriting, first draft, second draft, etc." is now obsolete. As a result, I now write intuitively, my main concern being that the paper logically flows from thesis to conclusion. I can even write totally out of sequence, if I feel like it, and then splice everything together in the best way it seems to fit.
I could be wrong about this, because I'm looking at it from the perspective of my own work only, but I wonder when professors demand the rigidity of the traditional term paper structure, if they are going to get just what they've asking for: basically, a dull, listless parroting of their own ideas or the course material, with little creative thinking or leaps of insight on the part of the student. Papers like this might get an A, but do they stand any chance at all of winning any writing contests or being published?
Dan, I have to say I agree with you regarding the rigid structure of papers some professors require. The class I'm currently taking is the first since high school in which I have been required to write a draft of my final paper and have it set out as you say, 'outline..topic..' etc.
I have to dust of the cobwebs and dig deep to remember how to organize a paper like that, like you I usually write intuitively, leading from my intro into my supports and like you, I'm not used to having my work be so casually dismissed. I always put significant effort into my work, and it stings a bit to have it disregarded based on antique forms. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do. Thanks for your comment!
Dan,
You're such an excellent writer, I can't even imagine a professor giving you less than an 'A' on any paper, but I guess you're right...it is subjective in the sense that it's up to each individual professor to decide what is to their liking and what isn't. It just sucks that us students try so hard and in many cases, it still isn't good enough in the eyes of the one who holds the key to our grades.
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