Monday, November 17, 2008

It's a Christmas conspiracy!

So as I was on my way to work this morning at O-dark early, I saw that gas was down to $1.99 per gallon and I got all happy and felt all warm and fuzzy. But then I started thinking - it is about 25 minutes to work after all. So I was thinking, and I realized that just last week I was reading about how the retailers and car dealers are worried because consumers are not consuming as much. Spending is down and people are being very careful about their money. So here we are, just in time for the holidays, and gas is amazingly down almost to what we had been used to in happier times. Hmmm, coincidence? I think NOT! Here's what I think. I think that the oil conglomerates, being in their usual cahoots with big government, have agreed to lower their prices TEMPORARILY to lull Americans into a false sense of security to convince us it is safe to go out and buy those big American made cars with poor gas mileage and to spend spend SPEND on our friends and loved ones to show how much we care for Chrismahannaramakwanzaka! And then, like the sneaky, underhanded, low-down snakes in the grass they really are, they will jack up the prices like a sun-salutation and beat us back into submission again!! That's what I think.

Now I have never been a huge believer in conspiracy theories, but nothing would surprise me these days, and in this case I do believe my idea has merit. I mean, if gas can be pushed down to these rates now, what the heck happened over the summer? Do NOT tell me that the war and the hurricanes and little green men all happened and that's why every fill up was a major purchase to be discussed with your spouse. And why is it that, if the gas costs so much more per barrel then than now, that the oil companies reported, (surprise surprise) record profits!! AMAZING! You mean, if you raise the price of a gallon of gas by double previous rates, the oil barons will become even richer than they were in the first place? GASP!! How can that be??? If it really cost them so much more, they should have reported the same amount of profits as usual. But this is the land of free enterprise of course, would I begrudge them a small pay increase? Oh hell yes I would!! When it comes at the cost of being able to go out to dinner even once a month and means I can't even take my kids to the movies because we have to pay the mortgage, car payments and bills on the same amount of income when every single thing costs more, I will begrudge! Oh yes! Say it with me! Down with big oil! Boo to the oil barons! BOOO!!!!

So my friends, while the price of gas is indubitably dropping, do not be fooled! Save your pennies, for sooner than you think, the pumps will once again be our enemies, sucking away our hard earned cash (and credits) to line the golden pockets of the oil vampires! You have been warned!! Mwaaa haaa haaa haaaaa!!!!!!


Jennifer King said...

I hear you! Yeah, I predict that the price of gas will start rising considerably next year by hmmmmm.... the end of May?!! Then it will stay high through the summer, peaking on the Fourth of July (which BTW is a Saturday next year) and stay higher than average until let me take a wild guess here... LABOR DAY??!!

The whole situation is just pathetic!

Anonymous said...

Yep, you said it right. It is a c-o-n-s-p-i-r-a-c-y! I couldn't agree with you more. There's nothing quite like those good ole' fashioned lies that the government tells us about the oil/fuel industry. Hopefully much of that will change when Barack Obama takes his seat in the white House officially on the 20th of January. Until I notice some changes, I will continue to feel just like you. For now, I'm just going to relish in the moment of having low priced gas.

Andy Egizi, Program Coordinator said...

I like how you think.

I don't know if there's any truth in my opinion but here's what I'm thinking. There is a relatively small group of people, who for lack of a better word I'll refer to as "jerks", he control the price of oil by trading in futures.

Yes, demand is down but could it be that these jerks don't have the same money to risk in futures that they used to? Might they be worried about feeding their children (they feed their children $1000 Kobe beef hamburgers, of course) so they aren't playing their game of making our lives miserable?

We should feel sympathy for them. I'm sure some of them have had to sell 20% of their homes just to get by.

Anonymous said...

Lol...Andy, you are too funny! :-)